Everyone on PHL awakens inside of a Costco

[Luk]

 Upon opening the front doors, we see solid rock. Same for all exits, suggesting the entire building is deep underground. Mysteriously, fresh air continually comes in via the ventilation system, although it's not big enough for any of us to fit through. Likewise the electricity is fine, meaning refridgeration of food isn't a problem (though it will eventually go bad) and anything requiring electricity can be recharged or run by extension cord. Additionally, the plumbing works fine and fresh water will never be a problem. There are grow lights and seed packets and the materials necessary to establish a small farm when the food runs out. (Yes there's computers and internet to play Haxball and go on PHL but we cannot contact anyone on the outside world.)

We're faced with the prospect of having to create a new life here, under these strange circumstances. How will labor be divided? What are our priorities? Build a garden? Construct private residences? Secure weapons and establish a social order? Gangs? Trading? Leaders?

I will remind you that the people inside are the active PHLers

I saw a post like this in sphb from ages ago, and it had amazing post-apocalyptic replies.

Let's hear some ideas from you then, what would happen?

[-NDR- The Tree JR]

tony would kill us all and claim it for himself

[negativeBro]

hk would be in the corner reciting plays and reading poetry to the masses

[Helloman]

hk would be in the corner reciting plays and reading poetry to the masses

I'd treat him like I treated Heimskr in Skyrim: I'd drop all of the cooking utensils by him every night.

[Longhorn]

I would make a fort out of beer cases and ride around drunk on a lawn mower.

[beck]

i would build a fort at the top of an isle like that movie employee of the month.. but you have to parkour your way up

[model]

I shall be head of the reproduction department.
Hehheheh head

[Trax]

Lexie would be the GM of our costco.

[Luk]

- at first, in panic, people would look at the council for an explanation. Panic mixes with fear and fury, and a riot is about to break through. During this desperate moment, dopesayo intently stares at nothing with a p: face. I try to just pretend I'm not worried and make small talk with Dash on the side. Aaron Godgers would be mumbling "that's what happens when lexie leaves", "who was the retard that moved our forum host to Firecrotch", "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" and that's when Longhorn has an idea to save the day. He blames Firecrotch and his new host for the whole thing, and an angry mob led by Lance flays Firecrotch and kills him.

- cody, WHO, invictus would run to the bathrooms. WHO would actually run the bathrooms and it's illegal activities.

- hk would pee around the books section and hide himself there. People would come and go there from time to time looking for his wisdom, and hellokitty would become a legend. No one knows ifhe is actually alive. People who claim to see him are considered dellusional.

- Mo2 would try to make rules for everything and organize a society, yet no one but kenki would listen to him

- IWS would try to be friends with every group of people and hang out with everyone

- after leading the group that killed Firecrotch, Lance would become a forgotten hero and become an alcoholic.

- negBro would make a pact with the council to try and regulate some of the things like water access, bathroom access, food rationing, etc but the council/neg will have a very fragile power over everything

more later, feel free to halp

[Longhorn]

Lance has my back, down with FC.

[Prizzle]

I form a starcraft wolfpack gang with Lputony, 1Manstan, IU, and WCK where we seize all computers to be able to play in SPHB and signal for help to SPHB but we simply get the reply back >phl

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I would also probably kill atleast two of you if I was trapped with you all, I won't say who

[Mo2]

I would also probably kill atleast two of you if I was trapped with you all, I won't say who

who

better watch your back:p

[jman]

i'de gather all of the shrimp and filet mignon, setup some grills and proceed cooking

[paLos]

Jri^ : we can use his detective godblessed skills to seek and destroy abilities he can detect who is farting more, converting air in poison, making costco in to a green smelly sad place.

Kenki : He can be used for that situations when someone wants to make something important but everyone in costco are too dumb to understand, in that case, ill use kenki to start to talk in his unique random language and paralyze ppl hearing him, then run away from costco with all supplyes

AaronFuckdgers : Like hes the kind of annoying , selfish , tsundere and racist character he can lead us until that point of poetic justice came and part of the roof fall down upon him.

Mafia : As everyone of u know, black ppl are always the first who dies in that kind of situations so.... Adios amigo... 

Longhorn : He can make us pretty customes like power ghetto rangers or sailor moon , idk.

Dopesayo : He will destroy that gorgeous colors of our ridiculous uniforms and paint them on complete , sad and monotonous gray

Blippo : Hes the most funny of the group, he need to survive, also hes going to be a vital kid because we need his honey to get our glucose levels.

[phazer]

i'll practice my wall moves in the corner

[Pein]

- at first, in panic, people would look at the council for an explanation. Panic mixes with fear and fury, and a riot is about to break through. During this desperate moment, dopesayo intently stares at nothing with a p: face. I try to just pretend I'm not worried and make small talk with Dash on the side. Aaron Godgers would be mumbling "that's what happens when lexie leaves", "who was the retard that moved our forum host to Firecrotch", "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" "yes i'm gay" and that's when Longhorn has an idea to save the day. He blames Firecrotch and his new host for the whole thing, and an angry mob led by Lance flays Firecrotch and kills him.

- cody, WHO, invictus would run to the bathrooms. WHO would actually run the bathrooms and it's illegal activities.

- hk would pee around the books section and hide himself there. People would come and go there from time to time looking for his wisdom, and hellokitty would become a legend. No one knows ifhe is actually alive. People who claim to see him are considered dellusional.

- Mo2 would try to make rules for everything and organize a society, yet no one but kenki would listen to him

- IWS would try to be friends with every group of people and hang out with everyone

- after leading the group that killed Firecrotch, Lance would become a forgotten hero and become an alcoholic.

- negBro would make a pact with the council to try and regulate some of the things like water access, bathroom access, food rationing, etc but the council/neg will have a very fragile power over everything

more later, feel free to halp

The scene inside of the Costco continues much the same for the next few weeks. After a while our rations slowly deplete, and negBro who is in charge of the food and his small group of followers go to a secret cabinet where the emergency seeds were kept. However, they discover that somebody had broken into the cabinet and sabotaged the contents!! Panic spreads throughout the mart with everybody accusing one another of betrayal and treason. Eventually, a few of the level-headed members of PHL council decides there is only one course of action. They must venture into the dark recesses of the book section and find hk- he is their only hope. While Lance is a mere shell of a former self he still has the respect and admiration of the council members who chose him to lead the expedition. Lance jumps at the oppurtunity to restore himself to his former glory.

Three days into the expedition and having traversed the bitter nothingness of the frozen foods section and the harsh conditions of the furniture department, the group is desparately low on foods and spirit.  Poor old Naut had collapsed the night before and would never get up again. His heart just couldn't take it anymore. Cartpig also tripped on a wire and broke his back, and had to be carried on the backs of a couple of his comrades. The group still preserved on with Heavenly and IWS lifting up the mood with constant jokes and funny stories.

At long last, on the 4th morning the weary group of PHL-ers had completed the 3-aisle journey into the book section. hk lay crumbling on his deathbed.

" I have waited for all of you to come", he said, coughing and weezing between breaths. " I have received a prophecy from the angel Arruda" " The almighty one gave me three messages to tell all of you"/

1. "An SPHB member has infiltrated our ranks and done away with all the crop seeds"

A huge gasp comes from the group.

2.  "One of you young lads here in front of me will one day rise up and become the leader of PHL that vanquishes all the evil from our community."

A couple phlers look around at each other excitedly while others roll their eyes.

3. " Laundry detergent is not a worthy sacrifice for me. I demand biscuits and apple cider"

negBro mutters something under his breath about how they ran out of apple cider weeks ago

hk clears the phlegm out of his throat once more and says, "Now you must return back to your headquarters at the front of the store". " There under the sunglasses stand you will find two ancient artifacts: The Crown of Awakening and the Mirror of Truth" These two artifacts will reveal who is the saviour of phl and also the SPHB spy that must be exiled permanently.

A couple groans rise out of the crowd as they realize they must make the grueling journey back once again. However Mafia pipes up and exclaims that he found an aisle just behind the books filled with tricycles! The group discovers that there are conveniently just enough tricycles to accomodate all members of PHL. There is one left over however as CartPig must ride on the back of one the other members. The group plan to take the leftover tricycle anyways but hk intervenes and says " I'll take that, who knows I may need it sometime". Nobody thinks anything of it though and they say their farewells and depart back to HQ.

On the wheels of the tricycles, the group makes it back in no time and acquire the two artifacts. For an odd unexplainable reason the council decides to first use the Crown of Awakening rather than the Mirror of Truth to find the SPHB outlaw. The phl members form a long line to try on the crown and find out who the saviour is. After nearly 2 and a half hours young Conquistador Apple steps up to try on the crown. To everyone's amazement and some displeasure the crown fit perfectly on Apple's head and started glowing brightly.

The group had no time to waste pondering the crown's decision as they must now deal with the potentially frightening task of using the mirror to reveal the culprit. However when they lift the lid off the mirror the group all take a step back out of pure shock. Rather than a reflective piece of glass staring back them there is just a screen with a giant trollface sneering at them. After a few seconds a hologram appears of hk laughing maniacally at the stunned phlers. In an ominous raspy voice the hologram shreeks, "so long fckers!!", and the screen fades to black.

The enraged members of PHL quickly take their tricycles and ride back to the book section. However hk is long gone and there was a note behind. The note detailed that ever since the formation of PHL hk was really just a double agent working for SPHB. Now that he believes he has done away with all the "scum of the west coast" he has fled back to his rightful home: The Walmart next door where all the SPHBers were staking out.

Suddenly there is a loud popping sound and a couple stray screams leaked into the air. Everyone turned at once and stared in horror at the dismembered and mutilated head of young Apple. The unfortunate soul was too proud to notice the crown gradually tightening around his head before eventually taking his life. Luk picked up the crown and studied it before concluding that it was indeed hk's handiwork.

After the body of Apple was buried the group explore the surrounding area of the book section. One explorer accidently stepped on a floor panel that revealed a hidden door with a shiny red handle.

The bold and brash Lance was already intoxicated prior to this point and seeing a few of his fellow comrades fall had driven him over the edge. He lunged for the door while his friends screamed for him to stop, "Wait it might be a trap!".

But their sceams fell on deaf years.

-To Be Continued-
 

Edit- Forgot to mention that hk made off with all the seeds but I guess that was kind of implied.

[Pein]

I'd appreciate and welcome constructive criticism but don't just sit there and point out plot holes ( I know there are more than a few).

[CartPig]

Edit/Entry I would like to throw in:

"Cartpig locked himself in the main office and would spin countless hours of electronic music over the intercom... giving shoutouts to members throughout his sets. He came out seldom to yell at members during exercise time to 'lift harder' and to eat healthier foods available in that costco. One day however... Cartpig  tripped on a wire and broke his back, and had to be carried on the backs of a couple of his comrades. The group still preserved on with Heavenly and IWS lifting up the mood with constant jokes and funny stories"

[hellokitty]

biscuits and apple cider heavenly u kno me too well.

[Helloman]

I'd kill Godgers by breaking a phone in his throat. (yes, in. not on)

[Federer]

I'd appreciate and welcome constructive criticism but don't just sit there and point out plot holes ( I know there are more than a few).

do me using every stereotype Phl members have painted on me

[Pein]

K Fed will be included in the next chapter.

[blippo]

do me using every stereotype Phl members have painted on me

hm m ok
costco.

i,.. implh.. implyyinaAZHAHAHAHZ HAHAHA IMPLYING AHAHahahahahzehahahahabweaahahhahaeyaeuaeahgegheauaseaueu

[-NDR- The Tree JR]

can i be included in the story coach

[Sexy Bagel]

kill otters

[Gobo]

Can the Pubstars be party crashers?

[ins]

this proves that sphb is better

[ROHANZ3L]

- IWS would try to be friends with every group of people and hang out with everyone

lol i'm like this irl
i'm friends with every1
sadly this leads to friendzone tfw

in the words of lance: "iws is a social butterfly"

[Pein]

Chapter 2: Down the Rabbit Hole

Part 1:

We pick up right where we left off last time, our heroes watch in horror as Lance is shuttled down a trapdoor, slowly fading away into pitch black nothingness. His screams echoed in the hearts of every PHLer present. Even the usually aloof Fed shed a tear for his old friend and mentor.

Later that evening council held a meeting with the rest of the group to decide the best course of action. While everybody had the burning desire the track down their old friendemy hk, the first priority was figuring out a way to get food. Lputony piped up from the crowd and suggested that by cannibalizing one rookie a week, they could survive for many months. He was executed on the spot for that suggestion, his remains given to dog.

The situation seemed dire until Dopsayo finally revealed a secret, his voice barely audible in the form of a grave whisper. The others learned that he had been secretly raising a troop of his very own personal, rap music loving, baby kangaroos. The idea of eating kangaroos was beyond horrible and foreign to all, just as bad as eating dog meat. However the truth was that Aborigines have been eating Kangaroos for centuries and it was good source of nutrients. And it was a good thing that Dop had raised rather plump kangaroos as the animals are naturally very lean, with little fat content. In the last few weeks, everybody, even Selena's, tummy had shrunken considerably and they needed all the fat they could get.

model, who beyond the pretty face was a surprisingly good cook and cooked up some nice Roo Skewers, Roo Dogs, Kangaburgers, and filet mignon medium rare.




While the PHL members enjoyed their first filling meal in weeks, their lost comrade Lance awakens in a pitch-black room chained to a hard surface. He has a dull headache pounding in his skull and his white t-shirt was ripped. Somebody had taken his biker jacket. It took some time for him to gather his thoughts but any half-wit could figure out that he had been kidnapped by SPHBers. Suddenly Lance heard footsteps coming and pretended to be asleep. A sudden bright light hit his closed eyelids and Lance saw for the first time in days. What he saw did not please him.

hk stood on the opposite smile, a menacing smile on his face. He was dressed in a gray sweater with a red cross on it and a pair of expensive looking denim. The room was covered on all sides with 666's and grotesque drawings that looked like mashups of Satan and Hello Kitty. Hk looked much healthier since Lance last saw him, when he was pretending to be dying, but had dark purple rings under his eyes. hk was slowly making his way over to lance who was trying to say something but his throats felt painfully dry and he was being hit with waves of nausea.

"I expected you would be the first one to come after me, it's in your blood". hk talked in a creepy monotone voice but when he said blood he said it with a weird emphasis that gave Lance the willie nillies".

Lance finally looked down to see that what he was being chained to was a raised platform that resembled a surgery table. under the platform was a bunch of knifes and other surgiclal instruments.

Lance could barely breathe as Hk describes that his own body was breaking down but he had been kept alive only with the help of painkilling drugs. Hk wanted to take the body of a young, healthy, and vigorous phler, Lance's alcohol-poisoned heart would not do. However, hk could make use of one part of Lance's body: his hands. While hk could still play haxball his fingers were not nearly as quick as they used to be.

Lance laughed out loud maniacally. Was this seriously happening to him? He watched frozen in fear as Hk grabbed a tool that resembled a miniature chainsaw. Next to his precious cup, Lance's hands were his most prized possesion. Before he could panic furthur, scream, or process another thought, Lance was knocked out and floated away to a much happier place, dreaming about that s8 cup win.

The room hk and lance were in had a one-sided window. hk couldn't see out the window but he knew on the other side GOOBER and Tim Duncan were watching the precedings. A song was playing somewhere in the background and hk hummed along with the beat as he readied himself for operation.


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho67uw3OMfE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho67uw3OMfE</a>

To be continued

[Pein]

Chapter 2 Part 2 and Chapter 3: Lance Vadar will be forthcoming

[undrctrl]

- IWS would try to be friends with every group of people and hang out with everyone

lol i'm like this irl
i'm friends with every1
sadly this leads to friendzone tfw

in the words of lance: "iws is a social butterfly"

I know how you feel man I told my mom I loved her the other day and she said I was "so sweet"
I fucking hate being friendzoned

[Pein]

Chapter 2 Part 2 and Chapter 3: Lance Vadar will be forthcoming

So I'm doing my English Essay right now and I stumbled across a rough draft of this. It's actually more polished writing than the first two chapters and the plot thickens nicely.

[manof1000pancakes]

i get on a laptop, barricade myself in the cereal isle with a microwave and popcorn with 1kf, and play league of legends for the rest of my life, only stopping to play sphb and phl.